Obsessive do-ing is a red flag communicating a conscious or unconscious fear of being alone with one's self.

The inordinate need to be engaged in activity fills a "hole of emptiness". Obsessive do-ing often reflects a lack of value and self-esteem. It is a fear of getting to know one's self, resulting in an insatiable neediness or co-dependence on "outside" activities to gain a false sense of belonging, importance or self-worth.

When one is overly preoccupied with condos, cars, dining and gourmet foods, designer clothes, running, exercising, TV and movies, "seeing and being seen," etc., one is really searching for a sense of aliveness. Yet, truth be told, in this state, one will never truly and honestly feel "alive." And, when one does not feel alive, one feels like one is going to "die."

So, in a reactive state, one feels the compulsion to do, do and do, to buy, binge, take chemical and non-chemical drugs, run for miles and miles, blast the music, go, go and go.

In a relationship, an obsessive focus on do-ing results in a lack of quality time, quiet time, alone time, and time for rest, reflection, relaxation, recharge and renewal. This obsessively active individual may experience periods of burnout, fatigue, "fogginess", and irritability due to depleted energy. The bottom line this red flag reads: "no intimate time for you/us."

Peter Vajda, Ph.D

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D.is Co-Founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company dedicated to “Essential Well-Be-ing” for body, mind and spirit.

Peter is committed to facilitating people to have greater balance, harmony and peace in their personal and professional lives.

Peter believes a life guided by integration of the intelligence of one’s heart, the wisdom of one’s mind and the health of one’s body leads to true and real wholeness and well-being and the ability to live a genuinely “fulfilling" and “meaningful” life, as opposed to a fleeting and often-frustration lifestyle.

With 25 years of experience in consulting, training, facilitating and University teaching, Peter works with individuals, couples and groups as a Certified Personal and Professional Coach using his expertise in personal development, motivation, psychodynamics, and mind-body-spirit integrative approaches and practices to support people to discover and fulfill their heart’s desires and Life Purpose, and to create results they want in their lives based on their core values.

Peter is a member of the International Coaching Federation, Coachville and The Relationship Coaching Institute. He is also a motivational speaker and published author.