A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue with that. However, what intimacy means to women and what it means to men can be two different things. The ironic thing is, both sexes need intimacy in both of it's forms to have a solid relationship. When a woman thinks of intimacy, she generally wants to begin with emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy depends primarily on trust and frequently involves individuals discussing their feelings and emotions with each other in order to gain understanding and offer mutual support. It is necessary for human beings to have this form of intimacy on a regular basis for them to develop and maintain good mental health. When a woman says, 'Let's talk first,' she is not being coy or playing hard to get. A woman needs to feel an emotional bond before sex begins. Ok, I hear you saying, 'Women have sex with strangers, what about that?' Sure, a woman can have sex without the emotional bond, however, for a lasting relationship, this emotional bond must be present. Feeling emotionally attached to your partner takes the physical intimacy to a level that simple sex cannot achieve. For a man, intimacy generally means physical intimacy. That is how they feel close to their partner. That does not mean they do not have an emotional connection, because for a lasting relationship, this is required. However, aside from sex as simply sex, men also need the physical intimacy to feel loved Sex alone is not enough. The emotional connection must be there for it to be meaningful. Performing without feeling will not meet a man's needs on this level. Physical intimacy, on the other hand, does not always mean sex. Women generally like to start with hugging, kissing, and other forms of physical intimacy before sex begins. Men also enjoy these things, however, to feel connected to their partner men usually need sex too. Men and women are really looking for the same thing. It is their approach that differs. We all want to feel connected. Women place more importance on the emotional connection and men on the physical, but both are required by everyone. Here are a few suggestions that can make your connection with your partner stronger and build intimacy on every level. Men, take the time to talk, hold hands, hug, kiss, connect to your women. When she says, 'I'm not in the mood,' it is because you haven't taken the time to do these things. This doesn't mean walk up, say hi, give her a hug and kiss, and start groping. Instead, try this approach, ask her about her day, care about her feelings and discuss them. Hold her hand or put your arm around her as you talk. Give her a hug and kiss here and there without expecting more. When she is talked out, she will usually be as ready for physical intimacy as you are. Discussing your feelings with her will build trust between you and create a strong emotional bond. Women, if you are in a committed, long-term relationship, understand that men need sex to continue to feel connected to you. Refusing a man is the same thing as a slap in the face. This doesn't mean you have to perform every time he demands it. Far from it. Explain to him what you need to be in the mood for sex. Men do not always understand a women's needs because they have never been told. Often times, once a man understands, he will try to give you what you need. Remember, too long without sex erodes a man's belief that you love him. Intimacy is one of the most important things in a relationship. Understanding how to meet your partner's needs is the first step in building a strong, long-lasting relationship that both of you will be happy with. 2005 Patricia Fason |
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