Ever wake up with five minutes before class? How about waking up late by no fault of your own for work? The power went out in your building, the cleaning people decided they were going to come right as everyone had to shower, you had too much to drink at the bar and forgot to drink your orange juice, your girlfriend or boyfriend knocked over the alarm clock causing it to break, the list goes on. You could take the easy way out, notify your professors and then go back to sleep. There is no shame in doing this. The problem is figuring out the right way to notify them. Letters like the following wont help you out: I am not able to take a shower and get to class today. Without a shower I am giving off this smell that kills roaches instantly. The people who produce Raid are calling me with offers. Ive informed the Center for Disease Control and theyre telling me, I aint right. So I shall return to class on Wednesday, and I will get the notes for todays lecture from one of the girls I am trying to sleep with. Often you cant miss class for a variety of reasons. The solution to your problem is to skank it. What does it mean to skank it? Skank it means rolling out of bed, throwing on what you wore last night and going to class. There is no shame in doing this if you do it right. Just make sure you take steps to make the experience enjoyable for your classmates. To do this I would like to offer some easy tips to help you skank it on your merry way to that 8am meeting you almost missed. The first trick of skanking it is to be subtle. I dont recommend walking around and high fiving people when you say, Who smells like raw sewage? This guy! Grab yourself some perfume or cologne and give yourself two quick sprays. Spraying yourself on the wrists and putting a little dab behind your ears goes a long way to cover up the odor. Not to mention help you out with members of the opposite sex. If you have short hair you really dont need to worry too much. But for those of you with longer hair you should look into picking up a hat. The hat draws attention away from the fact that your hair looks like you decided to test out motor oil for shampoo. If you know youre going to smell, do us a favor and take a seat next to the window. The fresh air will come in, and most people wont notice the smell you are letting off unless you bring it to their attention by yelling biological warfare halfway through the lecture. I do not recommend doing so because if the Secret Service went to a college students home in Connecticut, they will come to yours and ask you many questions. And none of them are going to be about your major. My inner biology major is urging me to share one final bit of advice with you. If you shower everyday you are depriving your body of substances that benefit your immune system. Every so often going without a shower wont kill you and the people around you. In fact skanking it may be beneficial to your health. . Almost all of you reading this might have to skank it on occasion so be prepared. Save yourself the lame excuses and just skank it. |
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