People often tell me about being angry at work. Well, anger at work is inevitable. If you work with others there will be times when you are angry at themand if you work alone there will be times when you are angry at yourself!

Learning to deal appropriately with our anger is vital to our own health as well as the wellbeing of those unlucky enough to be around us at the wrong moment. But it's not easy. What do you do when that boor on the other side of the boardroom table keeps cutting you off mid-sentence? What about the subordinate who clearly didn't listen to your instructions and now you have to deal with their mistake? And how can you not be angry when your boss unfairly blames you for someone else's failure?

Some experts tell us we must learn to think things through and "respond rather than react". But how do you do that when you are so furious you'd like nothing better than to punch someone on the nose?

The trick is in being able to switch from your angry state into a state in which you are calm enough to defuse the situation. The best way I've found to do this is by using an "anchor". This is a form of communication with yourselfpersuading yourself to change your state and thus your behaviour. Here's how that works.

In order to calm yourself down, you must remember to breathe normally and relax any tension you may be feeling, especially in your neck, shoulders or jaws. An anchor is an action you take that reminds you to consciously do so. The particular anchor you use is up to you. I like to squeeze my thumb and forefinger together, and others have told me they snap their fingers or simply imagine a "stop" sign. It doesn't matter what you use, as long as you can do it easily and without drawing attention to yourself.

Decide what your anchor will be. Then close your eyes and silently tell yourself that each time you do this you will relax your neck, shoulders and jaws, breathe easily, think clearly and respond calmly. Consciously use the anchor often at first, even when you're not angry, because your mind needs to get used to the anchor and the programmed response. But once it's embedded in your consciousness, it's an invaluable tool to help you "keep your head while all around are losing theirs"!

Helen Wilkie

Helen Wilkie is a professional keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, author and coach, specializing in business communication and management skills. She worries about the high monetary cost of poor applied communication in today's workplace, and her programs all aim to correct the problem. Helen promises to help organizations save their money and people save their sanity by improving applied communication at work.

She offers a free monthly e-zine called "Communi-keys", and you can sign up for it at either of her websites.